Good Night, Bad Night

Another day of ups and downs. It's been quite a rollercoaster so far, but like the faith I still have in the stock market, I think it will have an upward trend! :)

I went to work for almost an entire day today! The longest I've been at work in a very long time. I was really proud of myself. Yesterday I went to work for half a day because I had doctors appointments in the morning, and I felt ok last night. I had a completely massive breakdown late at night with Ben again...but at least I pretty quickly recognized that it was totally Lupron related. I was a crazy person, completely lacking control of my emotions. I can't even remember what set me off, but I went nuts. I just got mad. And then sad. And then I totally shut off for about ten minutes. Finally, out of nowhere, I started crying and profusely apologizing. I knew what was going on, and I feel lucky every day that my wonderful boyfriend doesn't up and leave me at any moment. He just sat with me, he rubbed my arm, he promised that he wouldn't leave, and he told me that I am perfect no matter what. He held me, and he helped me.

This morning I was set on making it to work early. I woke up totally exhausted like I hadn't slept at all. I know I had trouble falling asleep, and was sleeping really lightly all night. When I pulled myself out of bed and went to the bathroom, I got some awful cramps that put me right back in bed for a bit. I was so frustrated. After a little while of laying down it got better, so I finished getting ready and went into work around 10ish. I made it through almost the entire day in my horribly uncomfortable skirt suit and heels...and my pantyhose was way too tight and digging into my stomach. With about an hour left in the day though, I could hardly get up from my desk. Really awful stomach cramps, and the old school back pain I used to get before my first surgery (6). I was struggling for sure. I made it all the way past 5:00 and left, smiling through the shoulder pain and chest pain that was increasing as I walked out of the building talking to one of my managers.

I was so relieved to get back to Ben's place and be able to unwind. When I stepped into his apartment, the first thing I saw was a dozen orange roses and a card sitting in the living room! He had written me a beautiful card reminding me that he loves me no matter what. It was perfect, I couldn't have asked for a better way to unwind.

I wish I could say the pain went away right then, and we had a perfect evening after that. Unfortunately, it hurt pretty bad all the way up until about 10pm tonight. And Ben and I got into another argument about Christmas trees and Christmas spirit about two hours after work. Riiiiiiiidiculous. But we talked it out like we always do, and remembered the whole time that we will get through this, and it's just a temporary evil. And he made me laugh. And he held me, and he helped me.

Just a side note: Right around the time I started feeling a little better, I thought it was important that we get some dessert. A girl needs a little dessert every now and then! So we went to Coldstone for some sorbet, and walked into a Cold Stone that was closed for reconstruction. If we hadn't asked one of the workers if they had already closed for the night, I don't think we would have noticed that there were saws, paint cans, empty ice cream containers, and construction tools all around us. We would have just stood by the unplugged cash register until someone kicked us out. SO we went across the street to the grocery store to pick up some sorbet. About thirty minutes and $100 later, we walked out. We realized a few things we both needed to pick up, and then Ben decided we should get our first Christmas decoration because we had talked about how excited I am about Christmas, and how weird that is :) And then, as we were standing in the obscene line for the one and only cash register...I saw it. We were standing right beside the display for the newly released Wall-e movie. I heart that movie. My eyes lit up, as Ben pointed out. He had apparently already decided he was going to get that for me as a stocking stuffer...but once he saw the look on my face, he picked one up. He said it's an early Christmas present. I'm a lucky, lucky girl.