Day 1, or day 2,191

Today I got my first Lupron injection. It feels like the beginning of something. I keep telling myself it's the beginning of the end of this disease and this pain, and then I don't even believe my own self. But I do have a sense of peace that this was the right decision. I have a sense of serious concern, worry, and oddly- peace. I think the side effects will be apparent, but I think the outcome will be worth it, even though it's definitely not a cure. I feel like I'm molding something here that will be more than I had thought I could become with this post-athlete body of mine. Whether it's something healthy or phenomenal, I don't know. But it still feels like it will be "more". And I'm not one to shy away from that sort of feeling.

I've been trying to figure out how I would organize this blog. It's really just odd ramblings about the peripheral of the damage being done to my body, foreignly. I love odd ramblings. But I also know that before I started this blog, I searched and searched for answers for myself. I looked all over the Internet, I sought doctors, tests, specialists...and what really helped me feel most centered was reading blogs written by other people going through journeys similar to mine. It made me feel in control, ready for the next step, and willing to do what it took to make sure my journey would be successful. I want that for other women who are struggling. I want to make this blog a power center for women who don't know where to turn or how to maneuver this disease, or other struggles they're having with their bodies. So, while odd ramblings are still my numero uno, I think some organization is key.

So, now with the Lupron started- the main reason I started this blog (the lack of understanding of the side effects associated with Lupron baffles me, and pushed me to put my own experience out into the world for others to learn from), I'm going to do a section each post dedicated to side effects, symptoms, and thoughts on what the Lupron may or may not be doing to me. As with any drug, the cause and effect of so called "side effects" is very difficult to differentiate: Is it the drug causing my nausea? Was it the salmon? Was it there before I started the drug? But I will list out what's going on with me each time I write, and hope that it might help someone who will possibly go through the same. Or it will help someone decide A) there's no chance in hell I'm doing that to my body, no matter what some study shows it might do to help the endo, or B) bring it on, if that wussy girl could handle it, I'm in. Double the dose, doc! In which case I respond, bring it lady.

It won't be at the beginning, middle, or end in particular. As soon as it comes to me to write it, I'll start the section. Maybe I'll entitle it: Loopy...or maybe just Lupron Journal. I would love to say I'll rate my pain, but those pain ratings are so strange to me. I mean, my 3 is someone's 8, and my 9 could be someone's 5. I just don't get it. What if I did a legend to the pain ratings. Hmm, what's happened to me that's happened to other people- Sleeping: 0, Watching my favorite tv show:0, Eating warm cookies:0...This is fun! I'm getting off track already. Ok, Paper Cut: 1. Hang Nail: 2, Dead Arm: 3, Hard Kick in the Shin: 4, Initial Jammed Toe Pain: 5, Locked Jaw: 6, Bad Air Pain from Laproscopic Surgery: 7, Massive Ovarian Cyst Rupturing without Painkillers: 8/9, (ouch), and some form of serious head trauma that hasn't happened to me: 10. I'm reserving that number for something outrageous. If I say I'm at a 10 one day, call someone. I'm not sure who, just do it, and ask them what to do...and then call someone else and make whatever that was they told you to do happen immediately.
Ok, keep up kids.

Lupron Journal: (can get kind of "Too Much Info" here and there...beware)
The injection was a cinch, almost as lovely as watching my favorite tv show, with an added bit of paper cut (0.5 wink wink). Clever. I really didn't even feel it, so for those of you afraid of needles, have no fear. The sight of the injection started feeling a little bruised around 5 hours after the injection (2). About 5 minutes after the injection I got some sort of rush of adrenaline and felt kinda dizzy, kinda shakey. No biggie though, went away in a couple of minutes. After lunch I got that stomach pain I get after I eat something bad, or the first couple of days of my period, kind of the "I need to get to a restroom asap" feeling (3/4). Went away pretty quickly. After dinner it was worse. Actually had to get to a bathroom. Also, the last couple of days I've been showing some pre-period signs. Today I actually spotted a bit a few hours after the injection. No idea which came first there, the chicken or the Lupron. But there it is nonetheless. I've also had some on and off rectal bleeding for some time now, and never figured out what it was. Came back in full force this afternoon for no reason, just started out of no where. Bizarre. Especially with the new spotting I'm not supposed to be having right now, and the stomach pains. Sounds endo related?

There you have it...take it or leave it. I'm sure eventually I'll be far less detailed. Or will I?
*no*shame*

I'm calling the doc on the bleeding tomorrow, from all orifices. Probably should get the latter-mentioned checked out. I'm also getting blood tests done tomorrow morning for my adrenal symptoms. But mainly, BEN COMES HOME tomorrow (well, today now...it's late)! So excited!