I went to work!!! I know it seems like a normal function, one that most wouldn't think very exciting, but I'm so proud of myself. :) First let me say that I'm not one to take time off of work. I don't. I was a competitive swimmer for 18 years, dedication and hard work are key. Sick days, injuries, pain, or complaining aren't part of the game. And this disease made that SO difficult. I would swim through awful stomach cramps, really terrible endo pain, injuries, illness. It was necessary, and I was ok with that. But there were some times that I just couldn't do it, so I'd have to take a week off here and there- and it was like torture. Definitely not my style.
I've been on an intermittent unpaid medical leave for four weeks! FOUR WEEKS! That's insane. I never would allow myself to do something so drastic. But I couldn't go to work. I just couldn't do it. Every time I went over a speed bump in my car, every walk from the parking lot to the office, every stabbing pain that would hit me in the middle of a phone call. I couldn't pull myself to go. If it was absolutely necessary I would go into work for a single meeting and then get out of there fast. Well, yesterday, I went into work just to go to work! I sat there for three hours, did my job, chatted with my coworkers. It felt really good, like I almost had a life back. Then today I went to three meetings in a row, stayed at work for five hours before deciding to come home! I actually feel accomplished for this, which is so sad in so many ways; but baby steps.
The pain is starting to feel more generalized now, like my abdomen is sore, fragile really. That's a big difference from the sharp stabbing pains I was having consistently over the last four weeks. I'd like to say that the pain in my right ovary is going away, because the cyst ruptured a week and a half ago- so it should be going away. But I still feel some weird pain down in my lower right abdomen. And that awful nagging pain in my diaphragm haunts me. Just when I think it's getting better, I have to briskly walk for a couple of minutes and it's right back beating the crap out of me. Hard to believe, but it's an improvement.
I know this blog sounds like it's just a bunch of complaining, I feel like I need to explain what's going on- what the pain is, where it is, how it feels. It helps me in a lot of ways to write it down first off, but I also want this blog to be educational for others who are dealing with what I'm dealing with. If other people can relate, or have similar pain, maybe this will help them. Just knowing there are others out there feeling what they're feeling, it makes such a huge difference. And maybe there's someone out there trying to find answers, never been diagnosed, wondering what they're dealing with. I hope this helps some :)
On a much lighter and happier note though, the endo diet is going superbly! I've already met new friends through this blog who are helping me with the diet. Such amazing suggestions and support, I love the Internet :) I went to Safeway last night and found wheat and dairy free everything, it was unbelievable. I mean, Newman-O's?? Ben actually likes them better than Oreo's and they're wheat/dairy free and all organic! That Newman has a gift. TJ's has Organic Food Bars that have no soy, dairy, gluten...nothin but sweet sweet goodness. The chocolate chip flavor is a must-try. TJ's also has wheat and gluten free Brown Rice fruit juice sweetened bread. Do it!
My problem is that I'm not a cooker just yet. Still learning. I can make a delicious rice spaghetti with turkey tomato sauce that blows even myself away! And some turkey taco salad that's really good. Beyond that it's a mystery to me. So a) I really need food that's quick and easy and b) I really need to learn to cook. I've gotten some great tips that I'm so excited to try out, and I will absolutely let y'all know what else I find.
I also started taking fish oil pills, B-12, calcium, magnesium, and zinc everyday. My dad's been trying to get me to take vitamins for 15 years and I just never seem to do it. But with this most recent endometriosis kick in the ass, I'm on the vitamin bandwagon! I'll do anything. Crazy what this disease will do to someone. In any case, these changes can't do anything but help me. I need all the help I can get with the damage the endo and thyroid problems are doing to my body.
I'm still waiting for a call on Lupron, still taking Yaz continuously in the meantime. Has anyone else out there taken Lupron who would discourage or recommend? Just getting more feedback for myself. I, of course, will make the decision for myself. But it's never bad to have more information!
I'm going to watch Friends on TV...I still love this show.
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6 comments:
This is a HUGE achievement - don't let yourself think it's not. It may not seem big to others who don't know what you're going through but believe me I know how big a deal this is for you!! You SHOULD be proud of yourself!
Glad the diet is going well - I forgot to mention in my email to avoid too much soy but it seems like you already figured that one out! I looked through some books yesterday and will type up the recipes over the weekend. The only real wheat thing I miss is soft bread - most of our wheatfree stuff is so dry - but potato flour based bread is just like crumpets - see if you can find some of that!
Take care of yourself - enjoy feeling good about going to work and hopefully you'll hear about the Lupron soon. We'll be able to compare notes and know we're not alone - it's great to have met you at this exact time in both our lives!
Amanda xx
I'm so impressed with your diet changes. I just don't think I can do it! I'm going to start out small I think...introduce more veggies/greens into my diet. Maybe when I start introducing more of those and getting used to preparing those types of foods, maybe I can start taking things away? I don't like the word "can't"...but, I know how I am. Looking to you guys to help provide some yummy alternatives!!!
Are you giving up meat? If not, I have a yummy recipe (does this work for the diet?).
Spaghetti Squash-half and scoop out strings and seeds. Bake halves at 400 for about 30 minutes.
Fork out squash into spaghetti strands. Combine with cooked turkey meat (or not) and pasta sauce (you can make your own) and parm cheese (if you are eating dairy) in a baking dish. Bake at 400 for about 15 minutes.
I LOVE IT!
Good luck. And, CONGRATS on getting back to work. I love feeling normal!
And, awesome about the vitamins! My mom has sworn by fish oil for years. I take the liquid (I have to chase it with water or OJ) because it doesn't come back up on me. I take it at night too!
My Dr. also said that B and magnesium can help with the cramps!
ReadyGo,
You should be proud of yourself for many reasons and you're not complaining... You're just stating facts.
I totally get that "every speed bump" hurting and also relate to stabbing pain.
It is good that you listened to your body and left work early when you had to or took leave when needed to.
Be proud of yourself for exercising this self-care!!! It could keep your health from worsening!!
I know from personal experience that pushing too hard can result in permanent damage. I often say, "you only get one body". It sounds a bit corny but it's true!
I once had a laparotomy (that's the major surgery which at the time had a 5 day hospital stay). Anyway, the recovery time was projected to be 6-8 weeks and that was how my doc wrote the note.
Well, 3 weeks after having this major surgery, I called his office asking if they'd sign off on letting me eturn to work early. My doctor was TICKED OFF!!
The receptionist handed him the phone and he lectured me about how serious my surgery had been, how important it was for me to rest & recover, how many hours I was in the complicated surgery (5.5), and how irresponsible it would be for him to send me back at 3 weeks out!! (I had had a bowel resection/hemicolectomy and they just happened to find a carcinoid tumor while they were in there taking my endo out. (I also passed 4 kidney stones in 2 days of the 5 that I was in the hospital)!
So this "double surgery" with both a colorectal surgeon and the doctor treating my endo resulted in an appendectomy for the tumor.
Yet 3 weeks later I was begging to go back to work!
My doc automatically bumped my "permission slip" to return back to work up to 8 weeks. I now know that he was right because I overdid after that surgery in 1996 and I still suffer consequences from it.
I KNOW it's hard to be on leave or short term disability!! Try to look at it as needed time for your body to cope with everything.
If your body is giving you that much resistance, you owe it to yourself to listen to your body. I have learned the hard way what happens when the warnings are not heeded!
Baby steps are OK!! Pace yourself and try to resist "jumping in" 100% once you start feeling better. This will likely cause a "relapse" that you won't like.
Plus if you take leave, then return to work, and then take leave again... your employer could try to use it against you.
Job discrimination does exist. Even if they have no legal right to let you go, being in and out on medical leave could strike them as a warning flag that you're really sick.
As unfair as it is (!), many employers would use this against employees who cannot help being sick!
Focus on taking care of yourself. Eventually other things like work will fall into place one way or another (even if they don't go exactly as planned). You only get one body!
Jeanne :)
ReadyGo,
(A)
Following up on Amanda's comments... It's great that your dietary changes are going well! It's my understanding that soy can be overdone. (It has some sort of pseudoestrogenic qualities). There is a book on dietary changes for endo patients buried in one of my posts from when I first started blogging in June. I'll let you know if I find it. I think it was a post on alternative medicine from June but my memory could be wrong! (You can check my archives if you like). I think it was in June. Hmm. Lupron is a tricky subject in my book. Let's just say this. Some women try it and love it. Some try it and hate it. Some have side effects they can tolerate. Others have intolerable side effects. After facilitating a local endo support group for 7 years, I've heard the pros and cons from many women. I will caution you on 2 things:
1) It can lead to osteoporosis.
2) If you have any history of depression or family history of it, proceed with caution as SOME patients have suicidal thoughts from it.
I just posted an online radio seminar on my blog this week that talks about Lupron. The radio program is 60 minutes long but since they discuss Lupron, it might be worthwhile listening for you. I posted it on Thursday, 10/24. It's on BLOGTALKRADIO. All you do is go to their site (accessible from the BLOGTALKRADIO symbol in my sidebar or by clicking a link in my post itself). You just set up a login and find the seminar you want and click play. You can pause it if needed too.
(B)
Following up on My Endo Journey, I think it's great that she gave you some feedback on the food issues! :) Her directions on spaghetti squash were so detailed! Also, magnesium does help with cramps, as she said...
Hang in there!!
Jeanne
I have been lurking on some endo blogs for a while now...just reading a few. I too suffer from endometriosis and am currently taking Lupron injections, the 3 month injection. I too was hesitant - had heard horrible things about it, but usually after 3 months of suppression birth control my body goes nuts so I was at a loss. I had to do something as I was miserable. Luckily for me, it has worked wonders. I am taking a calcium supplement with it (Adora, can be purchased at whole foods or a vitamin place) and eating lots of dairy, plus I wear a hormone patch for add back therapy to reduce any bone density loss. I have had a handful of episodes of periodic bleeding, but I have been pain free for almost 7 months now. I cannot put a price tag on that. Lupron has given me back my life. I know it will soon end - and I will have a bone density scan done to check myself, the gyno said - but for the first time in a LONG time, I feel human again. Just thought I would share! Enjoyed reading your diet tips. I shop at TJs so will have to try those bars!!! yes, it is crazy what endo will make you do. You end up being willing to try any and everything just to feel normal again. Hope all is well.
Alisha,
If you read this, thank you for your post. It was nice to hear a fresh perspective on Lupron, especially from someone who's had good results. Congratulations, and I'm SO happy for you! Please check back often, and I'd love to know how you're doing. Good luck to you!
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