Blogtastic

I was so touched by a blog post I found today that was written about a week ago. I think I wasn't supposed to find it until today. I went to work for a couple of hours this morning for an important meeting, and spent almost the entire time trying to hide the fact that I wanted to crawl under the table and die. I think it was showing outwardly however, because I looked across the long board room table at one of my dear friends and colleagues and saw her looking at me with a slightly concerned face. I was sweating, clammy, shaking a bit, and having a really really hard time feeling like the air I was getting into my lungs would be enough to suffice. I had to yawn every thirty-five seconds to get more air...at a board meeting with a VIP of the company. There are only so many "eye yawns" a girl can do! There was stabbing pain in my right rib cage, it almost feels like my liver is going to get up and "peace out". Throw up the ol' peace sign and take off. I don't know if it's my liver or anything, don't get me wrong. But it's right there, somewhere around there. And it makes me want to cry.

So I went back to my desk and saw my supervisor who was very pleased that I made it in. See, she had taken some of those terms I discussed back to her house after work a few days ago and looked them up. She read up on Lupron, endo, PCOS, hashimoto's. And she said that she thought of me all night, and that she hugged her three year old daughter long and hard that night. She felt badly for taking her own ability to have her precious girl for granted. She told me to go home, get well, don't come back until I'm better, and that she was impressed by me. I couldn't hold the tears back all the way, although I fought off the good ol' burst of emotions. Just a single tear drop, and then a thank you. I got in my car and took a deep unsatisfying breath. I'm alone, but in wonderful company.

I started looking around at some of my blogs a few minutes ago and wound up back on Stuff Christians Like (a wonderfully comical blog, check it out!). For the first time since I started reading this blog a while back I went to one of the links on his side bar, another blog he writes called 97 Seconds With God. I don't know why I never checked it out before, but I was led to right then. His post blew me away. Something I needed to hear so badly! This is the verse he based his post on from Matthew 11:28-30:

28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

He went on to push home a fundamental truth that I forget so much in my depth of guilt or insecurity. God wants me as I am. I don'tt need to find completion, erase all doubt, banish my imperfections, or accept every beautiful blessing He's offering before I come and bask in His gift. He just wants me to come, and just bask in it. He wants to be with me on my journey, not meet me after I've finished myself. He wants to hold my hand, carry me. And He breaks me so that I'll know I can't do it without Him. And oh man, I sure can't.

It's a beautiful post, go check it out. See what it does for you, if you feel like it might be something you're interested in. If not, maybe you'll find it exactly when you need it.

So, I'm not at work, but I'm not giving up on it. I'm just buckling down for the journey, and resting in the thought of being carried through it, instead of tiring my legs again. And I'm gonna go to those doctor's appointments with an open mind, a healthy appetite for wisdom, and a faith that I won't have to decide on my own, or make it alone.

Now, pardon the Too Much Info, it's time to go poo in a cup. Love that Western Medicine!!