So Many Swings

I haven't quite made it to the gym yet, but I did go for a nice walk the other night with Ben, and it was really fun and relaxing. We had to run across a street once and I definitely felt that in my diaphragm, but I was ok. But the next morning I was in a ridiculous amount of pain. All of Thursday I was struggling, it felt like my entire abdomen was covered in adhesions or something. And I wasn't bleeding, so that's not it. I don't understand. Especially because I woke up Friday and it wasn't half as bad. It still hurt yesterday more than normal, but nothing like Thursday. Last night we walked around Wal-Mart at midnight (if you haven't done a little midnight Wal-Mart shopping, hit it up...it's a good time every time!) and I was feeling it in my diaphragm pretty bad. But it was all manageable compared to Thursday. So confusing.

I hadn't had a bad mood swing since last Saturday night...until last night. It didn't last long or cause too much trouble for Ben and I, but it's an awful feeling. I'm starting to see it coming now a little more. I get easily irritable and then I get sad easily. At that point, just about anything will set me off. And when I get set off, I get super mad, really angry, and then I get depressed. I wish I could explain it correctly- if I knew how these mood swings went before I started the Lupron, maybe I could have better prepared myself for it...maybe. I'm sure it's different for everyone who goes through the Lupron injections, but maybe this will help someone better understand what they're going through. So, last night's mood swing was over pretty quickly because we both kind of knew what was going on. At first of course I thought it was Ben's fault, but I realized that he hadn't done anything wrong about ten minutes into it. At that point I went from mad to super super depressed. Ben and I have kind of decided that we need to take a little bit of time to not talk when I start getting upset, because he takes it personally and I get even more irritated. So he walked away and then I felt ridiculously alone. It's a lose-lose really. But eventually we started talking again and I told him that it wasn't his fault, I just couldn't get happy right then. It took me about twenty minutes of Ben's valient attempts to make me laugh before I loosened up a little bit. I had to cry first. SOOO ridiculous. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this on this drug...please tell me it's not me, that it's the Lupron.

Oh yeah, it all started from jealousy, something I've been increasingly affected by over the last couple of weeks. It wasn't anything that was even done, it was in my head. I started thinking about Ben with another girl...just thinking about it. And it PISSED me off. What's wrong with me? Man, I feel bad for him.

Lupron Journal:
Diaphragm pain is there this morning a little bit (2/3) which is weird because it usually comes on later in the day. It was pretty bad at Wal-Mart last night (6) every once in a while. I've been wicked hungry all the time, don't know if that's related. And I weighed myself yesterday and I'm the exact same weight as before the Lupron, but I'm so much bigger. I have trouble fitting into my clothes and my face is super round. And I wasn't working out before the Lupron either...so it's not just losing muscle and gaining fat. :( I don't know...it makes me sad. The mood swings are obviously still around, maybe getting a little more manageable because we know what's going on- but they're a little more intense (at least the sadness and depression part...I get really down).



Well, today is feeling like a better day, so hopefully I'll get through a weekend without any issues. I have my second injection on Tuesday. Does anyone know how big of a deal it is to get the shots exactly a month apart? I got my first injection on the 6th of November...I'm getting my second one on the 9th of December. I don't know how important it is. Comments? Suggestions? Experiences?