Wednesday, December 30, 2009

What a decade.

Tomorrow is the last day of the decade (in my eyes...I mean I know there are those who would say that it's not until 12/31/10...but I personally disagree, because I'm stubborn...). In any case, oh what a decade!

I remember sitting in a middle school gymnasium on 12/31/99 with a bunch of my church friends...I was just a high school kid. We were waiting for something big. Instead, we ate too much popcorn and soda, and slept.

I remember getting into Stanford and wondering if they had made a mistake. They paid for me to come see the campus. They flew their head coach out to visit me, to recruit me. But I still couldn't believe it.

I remember visiting my brother in college, and meeting his future wife for the first time. They were "just friends". I knew better.

I remember falling in love for the first time, and not knowing any better. I remember crying, fighting, running, coming back, and starting all over. I remember wasted time.

I remember feeling young and invincible. Never sleeping, always going. And finally crashing and burning.

I remember victory. The smell of chlorine in a beautiful natatorium, the feeling of the water being colder than I could stand. The pressure. The nauseau. I remember starting the race, and forgetting the rest, until we saw our record!

I remember pain. Surgery after surgery. Health problem after health problem. Always waiting for the end of the struggle and the beginning of "life". Pushing through anything I could, crashing, getting up, trying again. I remember hospitals, wrong diagnoses, pain medication, hoping, crying, quitting, and getting back up again.

I remember graduating from college. I remember the feeling of pride and true accomplishment.

I remember retiring from swimming. Swallowing a huge lump in my throat for months, wishing I was back like the old me. Giving up hope, shutting it out. And then, I remember the first time I thought I could do it again.

I remember failure.

I remember Tayla as a kitten. Scrawny and timid.

I remember family. The birth of two beautiful lives new into our family. Two reminders of what it's all about. Watching them grow into little personalities. Hoping I'd be able to experience birth myself. Feeling supported by a strong bond of people who will always be there for me. I remember feeling incredibly blessed.

I remember true love. When I least expected it. I remember wondering and butterflies. I remember praying that he was it. I remember realizing that he actually was. I remember safety, comfort, and laughter. Then, the most important question I've ever answered, and the best way of asking it I've ever heard of.

I remember the most wonderful day in all of my life. I remember pure joy. Beautiful music. Tears. Shaking hands. The perfect words. The best dance. And a first kiss as Mr. and Mrs.

I remember signing a paper and commiting to a home of our own. Feeling like real grown ups, the weight of the world on our shoulders but not a care at all. Almost losing it, and then locking it down and opening a door!

I remember feeling satisfied. Feeling like my life is truly being lived for the first time, like I've found my purpose and I'm succeeding. I feel accomplished and proud, and I finally feel settled. It's been an unbelievable decade. I have so much to be grateful for, especially the fact that in all of the health problems, the scares, the struggles, and the doubt- I could write this beautiful list of memories with only a fraction of time spent on sorrow. How blessed am I to be able to look past the clouds, see the silver lining, and know that it all happens for a reason. Here's to the next 10 years of surprises, roller coasters, and happiness!

I hope all of you look back with full hearts and good memories that mask the pain that so many of us have felt. I hope you, too, have had 10 years to remember!


My Endo Journey said...

It has been a great 10 years, despite everything. It's hard sometimes to reflect on those good times. But, we need those good times to get through the crappy ones!!

Amanda and Tim said...

This is beautiful - I must try and remember to try something like this myself, as it is always so good to take the time to remember ALL that has happened, not just the bad parts (I have to say I used to be much better at it than I am now, must try and re-find that childhood/youthful more innocent way of looking at things!)

I hope you have the most wonderful decade to come and look forward to following it with you on here xx

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