Thursday, December 10, 2009

How many miles?

I haven't run in a week. Well, a little over a week really. I sort of tried to run two days ago but gave up after a half mile.

Two weeks ago I ran six miles and felt pretty good. I got to that sort of numb phase where my body just let me run without too much effort. That hasn't happened to me much, let me tell you. The normal amount of effort I have to put in to running three miles is pretty embarrassing. But those six went by kind of quickly. After I warmed down and walked into the house, I noticed something wasn't quite right with my left knee. I walked it off and got into our icey cold pool in the backyard to freeze my legs (it's really crazy, you should see me out there in the cold, standing in a pool with a big sweatshirt on to cover my top half...shivering...but it helps with muscle soreness so much!). I used to do that back when I was a swimmer, it made a really hard workout or a big swim meet just disappear as far as my body was concerned. But it didn't work this time. I got out of the pool and still noticed that ever so frustrating pain of an "overuse" injury.

Now, two weeks later, it's still not quite right. But it's starting to hurt less when I walk down stairs. So I'm going to go run again tonight. I think at this point, two weeks later, I'll feel comfortable pushing through some pain. You can't ever do something that you've never done before without pushing through some amount of pain and discomfort. Your body's not used to it, you can't expect to keep it 100% happy. So the question of the evening is just how many miles. I'm shooting for three, hoping for four, expecting two....sounds like a good plan, no?

So there's something else I've been wanting to write down. It's kind of funny how uncomfortable I am writing about it. Not because of me, but because of my wonderful husband. He's a good man, a great man. And I'm so in love with him. And he's been there for me tremendously. And he wants to be "just us" for a while. Therein lies the discomfort.

I'm not going to lie to myself and say that I don't think about it pretty much constantly. And now that the wedding is over, it doesn't help that so many people actually ask about it (really, quite a few more people than I would have thought- I'm only 26...and we've been married for less than 2 months...). If I didn't know that things were going to be difficult, I'd be absolutely on board with waiting for a couple of years. That time of just being us, travelling, lack of responsibility, sleeping in... it sounds kind of nice. I'm enjoying it right now truly. But there it is, sitting in the back parts and tucked away in the corners of my mind, "babies". We've got a jump start with the knowledge. Skipping straight to IVF isn't romantic...but I guess it's efficient. Or at least moreso. But who knows how long it will take- how many tries- or IF it will take. When you hear an RE tell you that you needed to start trying yesterday, it stirs something up in a girl. But to Ben, it just made him think that guy was pushy.

I guess I'd get it if Ben didn't know he wanted kids. Or if he was all about adoption. But he's as excited as I am about trying for our own...he just wants to hold off for a little while. But what is that risking?

He's got a point. We need to have time together, just the two of us. I love us. I'm just scared of the unknown. And I'm a planner, what can I say. Especially with the thoughts of MBA's and career pathing. I'd like to line it all up in a spreadsheet, month by month. "And baby fits in around March..."

Oh if only.

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