I'm Back!

What a couple of weeks! That last post was very negative for two days before Christmas, oy! I love Christmas so so much, I'm sorry I was such a bummer. I got better, just had to get that out of my system. Plus, I was missing Ben of course. But he's back now. I went out to Indiana to see his family and had a great time. I got to see where he grew up and meet his Dad. It was a pretty great trip. Then we came back for two days and left again for a 5 day road trip out to San Diego. Ben got to go to Sea World for the first time, he was so cute! We went with my brother and sister-in-law, and my niece and nephew. It was their first time, too. We had so much fun, and it reminded me all that much more just how badly I want my own kids. Yes, my 3 year old niece was acting like a three year old, but that's so great ya know? She's got her own personality, she's this little human- a little girl just growing up every day. And my 6 month old nephew is by far the cutest little boy in the world. He's so good, and so happy. I want one! :) Who knows how my journey with becoming a parent will turn out. It makes me sad thinking that it probably will be difficult, and maybe even impossible. But how can I know when I've never even tried. Maybe it will all be perfect!

I haven't heard back yet about the MRI. I did however get my 24 hour cortisol test results and they were normal. 25.9 with a normal range from 4-50. I don't know what this means because I've read so many places that one normal test doesn't mean anything...but then again, maybe those last high cortisol's were just flukes. It's all so confusing. Hopefully my doctor won't just brush me off because of one test result, I want to find out why I'm so all over the place. I'm not my old self, I miss how much energy I had, how strong I felt. I haven't felt strong in a long, long time. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist on January 13th.

Now onto the endometriosis talk! Third Lupron injection is tomorrow!!! Crazy, I can't believe I've been on this horrible drug for two full months. Now, horrible is definitely subjective. Sometimes I totally abhor the Lupron, usually when I'm crying hysterically about a completely irrational moment, or moments unfortunately. The mood swings are the worst part about this. That and the weight gain. I'm not sure about the weight gain. I've got crazy hormone imbalances related to my adrenals, I'm not exercising like I used to, and I'm stressed out. So the weight gain could be from so many different things. But the mood swings, I know what those are about. They're so very Lupron- they're almost synthetic. They come on so fast, and I'll get set off by the tiniest thing. All of a sudden I'll be furious about something so ridiculous. And then eventually, I'll realize what's going on and start crying uncontrollably. Or I'll cry because I feel guilty, or because I hate fighting with Ben. And then just as fast as it came on, I'll be happy as can be. That's usually because Ben says something or does something completely fantastic and makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world (I am by the way...). But the worst part is that I can't get out of it until Ben helps me, it's like I don't have any control over it. He seriously is the only way to fix my moods. I probably shouldn't rely on someone like that, we've discussed that side of things, but with the present situation I can't imagine any other way.

Lupron Journal:
Two months down. I still have pain up under my right rib cage, around my liver. When it gets really bad it hurts in my right shoulder, especially if I lay on my left side (like gas pain after abdominal surgeries). I have pain in my lower right abdomen in the mornings, around my bladder, ureter area, sometimes up to my kidney. That goes away usually a few minutes after I go to the bathroom for the first time. It's no fun. I also have pain any time I wait too long to go to the bathroom, and it gets worse the longer I wait. There has to be some endo on my bladder/ureter. Apparently it was totally covering my ureters in my first surgery, and there again in the second. I thought they got it all though. But then again, things got quite a bit worse a few months after my second surgery, when I stopped taking BC pills for three months. I guess it really did come back with a vengeance. I've gained about 10 pounds since I started Lupron two months ago. Not happy about that! And my skin is still a little iffy, sometimes it's fine, but I break out a lot more frequently than I used to. I get hot flashes every now and again but they're pretty quick. And I still think they're funny! My sleeping pattern is so confusing I can't chalk it up to anything. Tired all day, exhausted in the mornings, totally awake at night. Argh.
However, some of those scary side effects I read about haven't showed up at all. I haven't gotten any migraines, no nausea, no memory loss (I think, haha), no panic attacks, no night sweats, and not much additional joint pain. Hopefully it stays this way!